Dreams of Darkness
by MyChemist
Summary: Can Rachel really save Victoria from herself or will victoria just give in to the pain? language, self harm, shoujo ai, violence
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Never have. Never will.

I sit on my bed watching lightning dance across the nighttime sky and listen to the low rumbling of thunder. I look at the clock. 3:17, damn three more hours till I get up for school. I begin to wonder what it would feel like to be struck by lightning. Would it hurt? Would it kill me? What would it be like to die? A slight laugh emits from my fragile body. Here I am, a girl of 14, perfect body, beautiful skin, and looks to kill for, and I'm wondering what it would be like to die.

I've accepted the fact that these thoughts are common for me. Between never getting any attention from my four parents, being teased endlessly at school, falling in love with my best friend, and dealing with more step and half siblings than anyone should have to handle, my life sucks.

And yes, four parents. My mother and father divorced just before I was born. They later remarried, leaving me to be an unwanted rag doll, traded back and forth. Sometimes I almost envy my "siblings" my older half brother, Jeremy, is 17 and so involved with his girlfriend he hardly notices me. There's also my hyper active 10 year old step brothers, Chad and Cody. Then, on my father's side there is my half sister whom I barely know, Ashley, who is far too preppy for her own good.

I stand up and stretch my arms high above my head as if reaching for an escape from this hell hole, and wince as I feel one of my fresh wounds on my ribs open, sending shockwaves of pain throughout my body and chills down my spine. I look down and say "fuck! This is my last pajama top!" in a stage whisper when I see bright red blood slowly seeping through my white shirt. I tug at my top in frustration and walk down the short hall in our small apartment until I reach the bathroom. I close the door in a hurry when I hear the lock of the front door slowly turning. "Dammit, Lawrence is home." I say once again, in a stage whisper.

Cursing the life of my step father, I bend down onto all fours and peer into the cabinet under the sink. I stick my head all the way in and look up onto the ceiling of the small space silently searching for my trusty razor blade. Once I find my prize, I smirk, knowing that no one will ever find it.

I stand back up and look into the mirror for the first time since entering the bathroom. I take in the pathetic figure staring back at me. She's wearing a newly blood stained shirt that exposes much of her stomach and black P.E. shorts cutting off just below her knees. I step closer to the mirror and examine all the thin, pearly scars littering my abdomen, some in the shape of little pink and red hearts. I look down at my calves and see all the ones there as well, there's not nearly as many there as there is on my stomach though.

I snap back to reality and flick back my long, dark brown bangs out of my eyes. My grip of the razor tightens and my stomach clenches, I drag the razor from the bottom of my ribs, across my belly button, to the top of my shorts. I look back in the mirror and study my stomach as tiny beads of blood slowly form in a line. I smile lightly but turn serious and I tighten my stomach once again and dig the razor deep into my flesh. My favorite spot too, just below my shirt, along a familiar scar. I cherish the moment, and my skin tingles and crawls with anticipation. The hairs on the back of my neck stand straight up as I slowly drag the edge about three inches.

I close my eyes and struggle to regain control over my breathing when I realize that I'm panting. I don't have much time though, because good ol' _Larry_ interrupts me by banging on the door.

"Victoria, hurry your ass up!"

I silently flip off the man I call my stepfather on the other side of the door

"Don't make me come in there you stupid bitch!"

A smirk slowly makes its way into my features and I reply "go ahead, I dare you." Without even attempting to mask the defiance and contempt in my voice.

He jiggles the handle furiously, only to find it locked. In his anger, he throws his shoulder into the door, startling me enough to make me jump with alarm. "what a drunken brute," I quietly whisper to myself.

I slowly back myself into the wall and slide down until I find myself seated on the floor with my knees brought up to my chest and my arms wrapped around my body. Lawrence staggers down the hall into the room he shares with my mother, making enough noise that I'm surprised no one wakes up. Even from hear I can smell the alcohol on him. My gaze travels around the room, from the stucco ceiling, to the tack shower curtain, to the dirty sink, and finally to the small collection or drops of blood gathered on the linoleum tile. Apparently I went deeper than I thought. I smile lazily and my mind slowly succumbs to the soothing escape of sleep.

AN: So yeah this is my first story. Be kind. Aubrey will come in after a few chapters so don't think that this is just some random original story posted on here as a poser. Feedback is cool but flames are not. If you don't like it, don't read it. Simple as that.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Still own nothing. Still never have and probably never will.

When I awoke, I realized two things. My mom is screaming, and the twins are laughing. This cannot be good. Sensing a future conflict, I stand up, rub my eyes, and clean the dried blood off of myself. I open the door and peek around the corner, to see if anyone will notice me. Satisfied, I quickly skip into my room and lock the door. I go through my closet, which consists entirely of large, black tee shirts, and pick out one with my favorite band's name on it. I also pick up the Dickies I wore yesterday up off the floor and put them on. I also quickly draw some thick, black eyeliner on.

After pulling on my black converse to complete my all black attire, I cautiously walk out of the sanctuary of my room and into the war zone called my life, to face the awaiting problems of the day. I walk down the hall into the kitchen to check on my mom and as I walk in, I'm greeted by a tenderizing mallet to the face, to my left eye to be exact.

"Get out of here you little fuckers!!" before my mom looks up at me. "Oh, its just you, Victoria." she adds afterwards.

She stands up and looks down at me with disgust written all over her face as a crouch on the floor trying to wipe the blood out of my eyes. At least I think it was disgust, I couldn't see very well through the thick red glaze covering my eyes.

"Go get yourself cleaned up for school. And change out of that stupid shirt." Then, she walks away. With out apologizing. Without helping. Without caring.

So, I get back up and go back into the bathroom to clean the blood and tears off of my face. I sigh as I see the newly developed bruise covering my eye and the splinters stuck in my eye lid. I fix my make up and use my bangs to cover most of the damage. All this means is more teasing for the day. I just hope Rachel doesn't worry too much. She's all I have left. The only one keeping me alive.

I walk out, into my room, and grab my backpack, which happens to be filled with a sketchbook, a notebook and a few spare pencils and erasers. I head out the front door, ignoring the twins' insane giggling and not even bothering to ask why my mother was screaming.

The weather outside is cold, wet, and grey, seems like it perfect for my mood. As I walk, I soak my shoes and the bottom of my pant legs in the many puddles left over from last night's storm. I enjoy the peace and quiet of my walk to school, an entire mile I which I can lose myself in my thoughts and daydreams. I am so lost in myself I don't even notice when it begins to rain. I am only pulled out of my day reams when I hear the monstrous sound of thunder echoing all around me. It sounds as id thunder struck right beside me. I look up and notice I'm already at school. I walk through its sadistic metal gates and into my own personal Hell. I make a beeline for my locker, before the jocks see me, hopefully before anyone sees me. But my hopes are shattered when I see a very concerned looking Rachel heading straight towards me. I try to cover my eye with my bangs but the water had spread my hair apart and she already saw what happened.

"Oh my gosh Vikki! What happened?" she said as she gently brushed my emo-style bangs out of the way. This simple, caring gesture sent electricity through my veins. The way her fingers lightly touch my skin makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. She has no idea the effect she has on me. Snapping back to reality, I search for some kind of answer to not worry her. The last thing I want is to worry my best and only friend.

"Um, I fell?"

"That's bull Vikki and you know it, tell me what really happened."

She looks at me with so much concern in her eyes, I just want to break down and cry. I want to say I'm sorry for lying, for worrying her, for everything. But I know I can't. If I told her about my cutting, she would ask why and I wouldn't be able to tell her that.

"I-I don't want to talk about it."

She frowns slightly at my response, but accepts it.

"Well, if you don't want to, I won't force you, but know that I'm always here for you know matter what, if you ever do want to talk."

I nod and look away. We continue to my locker to put my back pack away and head to our homeroom class. She's in all of my classes. That how we met. On the second day of school, she had come up to me and pointed it out. Ever since that day, she's always been my best friend. My only friend. My only hope.

AN: sorry for the short chapters but I'm too lazy to type a lot at a time.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

After my final class of the day finishes, I head to my locker and grab my bag. I feel a pair of slender arms wrap around my waist an immediately blush.

"Guess who!" a familiar voice playfully exclaims.

"Gee, I dunno, Mr. Quinsty?" I say with as much friendly sarcasm as I can.

I spin around in my best friend's arms and look her straight in the eyes. She has a strange look on her face and before I have a chance to question it, it changes to a mischievous smile.

"Aww Vikki what's with the blush? Am I really that pretty?"

My face changes to a deep crimson and my heart beats faster. Could she know? Before I can ponder this any further, she senses my embarrassment and closes the few remaining inches between us. I blush even more, though I thought it impossible, when I catch a whiff of her vanilla scented shampoo.

"You know," she says with a slight smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"W-what?" I manage to stutter; shocked that she can't hear the sound of my heart pounding against my chest harder with each passing second.

"You've got something in your eye!" she says quickly as she reaches up to take a small piece of fuzz from my eyelashes.

I wished I could summon tears of pain to make her feel guilty but, I was too busy doubled over, laughing at her obvious reference to my favorite band's music video. After a minute or so of us laughing and making a scene in front of the entire school, tears began to well up in my eyes and my laugher turned silent from lack of oxygen. I grabbed at my now aching sides and looked up at her; she too was doing the same. But our happiness couldn't last long. It wasn't until I heard an annoyed sounding teacher clear his throat and felt someone tap my shoulder roughly that I had realized how big of a scene we were making in the middle of the hall. I turned around; my happy mood decimated, and saw the scowling face of my oh-so-evil history teacher, Mr. Quinsty.

A familiar fire surged through my veins and I squared my shoulders, stood tall, and looked him directly into his disgustingly blue eyes. If it weren't for the face those very eyes were on, I would have marveled in their beauty.

"Can I help you?" I asked the middle aged man with as much acid that I could fit into four words.

He smiled, showing his repulsive yellow, crooked teeth. The fact that he had the nerve to do so only urged on the beast crawling in my blood. My pulse quickened once again and my jaw set. My hands balled into fists and began shaking slightly.

"Yes, yes you can. But not now. Does tomorrow after school sound good? I think about an hour should cover it."

At this point, I was visibly shaking with rage and I was about to retaliate but Rachel cupped her hand over my mouth, preventing me from further burying myself in detentions.

"I'm sorry Mr. Quinsty, we'll just be on our way." She said in the sugary sweet tone she used when she spoke to adults.

All my rage left me when I felt her touch. The rage left and depression took its place. She had no idea what affect she had on me. She never would. That's not what hurt though. The pain came from the fact that I knew I never had a chance with her. I wouldn't mind telling her if it didn't put my best and only friendship at risk.

Rachel took my hand and all but dragged me off school grounds and across the street. I could tell from the way she walked that she was mad at me. She never once looked back at me. She just kept walking with her head straight forward, giving me no glimpse of her expression. Once we were away from the prying eyes of our peers, she jerked my in front of her and pushed me against an ivy covered wall. I had forgotten how strong she could be at times. Her size and build gave no hint of her true strength. Her angry gaze met my black-lined one and a shot of guilt found its way into my conscience and I was the first to look away.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" she screamed at me; her blue eyes showing more rage than I had ever seen from her.

"I-I-"

"Don't even!" she interrupted, "I don't want to hear it Victoria." She turned and walked away, well, stomped away.

"Rachel wait! Rach!" I tried to catch up with her.

"Rach-" I was interrupted by her turning around and glaring at me with hatred, her eyes boring a hole into my mind.

"Just don't. I try to help you Victoria. I really do but you won't let me get close enough. So just stop."

Her voice then had been the coldest I had ever heard. Even from my parents. She then walked away. Agony ripped through my heart as I realized what had just happened. My best friend, the only person I had ever loved, walked away from me in anger and hatred. I knew I had to get home before I did something stupid. Like cry.I turned around and slowly made my way home, not bothering to flip off the stupid jocks and preps when they made their jokes and comments. Not even flinching when the rain started again. This time, my thoughts were not as calm as this morning when I walked this same road. My world was over. I knew that night would be the night. The night I finally ended it all. The night I would end my own life. The only reason I hadn't yet was because I knew Rachel didn't want me to. But now she was out of the picture. It was clear that she no longer cared what happened to me.

So, I wandered through the door, straight into the bathroom to retrieve my razor. I then went to the kitchen to get a knife. If the razor didn't go deep enough, a stab or two to the gut would take care of it. I started walking to my room but thought against it; wouldn't want mommy dearest to actually have to clean. The backyard? No, they would find me too quickly. I wanted one last deed to piss of my parents and finding the rotting corpse of their daughter might do it.

But where could I go? The roof! It's perfect. No one goes up there anyway so it might be weeks until they find me. So, I hop out the window and accidently snag my shirt on the rusted fence separating our apartment from the pool. The torn bit of black cloth hangs ominously on the old metal. If I leave it, it might be a clue as to where to find me. If I take it, no one will ever know where to look.

I left it. Maybe it was a much more dramatic effect or maybe I want them to find me. I didn't know which. I did know, however, that it would leave their imaginations to run wild as to what I was thinking. If they cared.

My hands gripped the fence and I carefully placed my feet on it as well. I then grabbed the edge of the roof. I pushed against the rusted boundary and somehow managed to pull myself up onto the slick surface. All this rain had made the old shingles slippery and dangerous. As soon as I stood back up, lightning flashed above me, lighting up my surroundings for a moment, the giving way to the darkness of the clouds. The best thing about all this rainy weather way that no one could tell you're crying in the rain. And cry I did.

The tears seemed endless as I thought about what I was going to do. I replayed the scene between Rachel and I over and over in my head. I could have sworn I heard the sound of my heart breaking. When the tears started to slow and I gained control over my breathing, I took a deep breath and placed the razor to my wrist.

"Down the highway this time, not across the street." I said morbidly to no one.

AN: thanks ravyn for my ONE review. And even tho u already read this, here ya go! I did make a few changes from the original one. And look! This one is actually relatively long!! gasp and sorry about the cliff hanger…


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: still not mine unfortunately.

Just as I brace myself, a shrill ringing goes off. I hesitate to check my back pocket for my cell phone but do it anyway.

"Hello?" The despair and irritation was more than evident in my voice.

"Vikki!" Rachel's voice quickened the pace of my heart.

"Rach?" Why was she calling me? I thought she hated me.

"Vikki oh my gosh I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it! Please forgive me I swear I didn't mean anything I said! I'm so sorry! I'm s-sorry." Her voice broke at the end. She was crying. I made her cry. I guess I just returned the favor.

"Just stop Rachel. Its okay, I get it. You hate me. It's fine. I always knew you would hate me in the end so just forget about me." The calm in my voice surprised even me.

"In the end? Vikki what are you talking about?" Suspicion and fear laced her words.

"I'm done Rach. I'm giving up."

There was a silence on the other line. I could hear her breathing quicken.

"No…Vikki you can't! Please, p-please don't!" Hysteria took over her voice and I knew then that she had already suspected just how depressed I was.

"Why Rachel? Why can't I? What difference does it make? What does anyone care?!"

"I care Vikki! Please don't, for me!"

"Give me one good reason. One good reason why I shouldn't just do it right now. Why I shouldn't just slit my wrists or stab myself. Why not Rachel?"

"I'll give you one. Just not right now. Come over to my house and I'll show you." What does she mean 'show me'?

"Why can't you just tell me? How do I know that you even have one? Why should I trust you? Not even an hour ago you hated me so why should I believe you?"

"It's too important. You have to believe me. Even if I did hate you why would I try to stop you right now? Please just come over so I can show you in person." She did have a pretty good point but what could be that important? Only one way to find out.

"Okay, just hold on while I get down."

"Get down? Vikki, where are you?

"Uh, I'm on the roof. I wanted some privacy."

"Ohh, Vikki…"

"I know, I know. Just hold on."

"Okay, but be careful."

"Dude, chill. I'm not gonna fall."

"Alright alright, just hurry okay?"

"Yeah."

But I had spoken too soon. Almost as soon as I had stood up, I lost my footing. The slippery shingles had betrayed me and my arms and legs flailed, searching desperately for purchase. Adrenaline had shot so quickly through my system, it made me dizzy. Or maybe that was just the falling part. Either way, I let out a bloodcurdling cry. Rachel's name echoed throughout my apartment complex. But it was too late a single thought went through my mind. It was more or a picture than a thought but that one thought sent more fear through me than any movie or nightmare I had ever experienced. I couldn't even scream. The fence. The pointed, rusty fence. The fence that broke both my fall, and me.

Rachel's screams were hardly audible over the breaking of bones, tearing sinews, and blood spurting from the multiple wounds now littering my body. I felt only a moment of pain when the spikes impaled me before the morphine kicked in. I was actually dying. I tried to look down at the metal protruding from my midsection but pain shot through me at the movement. With so many endorphins coursing through my veins, I was nauseas.

My vision began to blur. My senses were becoming dull and the blood flow was decreasing steadily. As I was starting to go, I could have sworn I heard footsteps and saw a shadow pass over me. But then again, I may have been hallucinating. My last thoughts, however, were of Rachel. I never got to say goodbye. She was saying something I couldn't quite make out. Something about me. "Victoria I-" and those were the last words I heard before the darkness took over. The last words I heard as a living being, as a human being.

AN:I know that I switched tenses, but w/e. and I promise the writing gets better. It kinda sux right now but it'll be a-oh-kay! Pretty nice bit of gore tho huh? And just so yall know, if I don't get at least one review from someone other than Ravyn, I might just kinda stop this story.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: once again, not mine. Well, this part is but later it won't be lol

(Rachel's POV)

An electronic buzzing yanks me from my deep, dreamless sleep. I smacked the evil alarm clock and glared at its sadistic green glow. 6:30. Far too early for anyone my age to be up. The buzzing persists and I hit the snooze button, shutting up the persistent noise. I ease my head into the down pillow and resume my calming sleep though this time, I dreamt. Vikki was there, not in person but I was talking to her on the phone. Something was not right. She sounded angry, and sad. I couldn't make out the words she was saying but I knew those hostile feelings were towards me. Before I could find out more, that annoying buzzing went off and once again interrupted me. For a strange reason, I felt that that day would not end well.

I pushed the light blue covers off me and swung my feet over the edge of the bed and planted them onto to plush carpet. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and looked into the mirror across the room, on my door. I studied the tired creature looking back at me, something I didn't do often. She was rather pretty. Her light brown hair was a mane around her face, her deep blue eyes were still in a sleepy haze. But the most important thing about this girl couldn't be seen by just looking at her. She's in love. With her best friend. Her female best friend.

My life is actually pretty good. I've got a loving, though closed-minded, family, a friend better than I could ever have asked for, and except for the battle raging within me, a peaceful existence. That peaceful existence was only interrupted by being overly worried for that best friend of mine. She's just always so sad. I know her home life is awful and part of me takes on the responsibility of making up for it. The other part just loves to see her smile. People say love is stupid. If that's true, then I stupid her. Nice line huh? I saw it on an icon somewhere.

I forced myself to get off of my bed. I walked across the room to the door, opened it, and stepped into my own personal bathroom. I momentarily debated whether or not I should take a quick shower. I chose to, only to kill time and I reached past the curtain to turn the water on as hot as I could stand it. I quickly slid off my silk pajamas and step into the steamy water. I reached for the vanilla scented shampoo that Vikki loves and squirted a quarter sized amount into the palm of my hand. I did the whole lather, rinse, repeat thing without paying much attention to what I was doing. My mind was trying to figure out what that dream could have meant. Could it be a bad omen? What was going to happen?

Once I finished, I stepped out of the shower and into the shockingly cold air. I shook some of the excess water from my hair and wrapped myself up in a towel. I dried myself off and walked into my room to pick out skinny jeans and a blue shirt from my closet. I clothe myself, and walk into the bathroom once again. Before discarding my towel onto the floor, I wiped the fog off of the mirror. I looked into it once again.

"Rachel, you're such a mess." I say to myself

I continue on to blow dry my hair and put on a bit of make-up. Satisfied with my appearance, I skip downstairs, grab a couple pieces of toast my mom laid out on the table, say goodbye, and grab my backpack on the way out the door. My walk to school is about half a mile and takes only seven minutes. Apparently, I was running earlier than I thought because when I got there, I was the only one other than a few teachers. I headed over to my locker to drop off my bag and take only the few things I need. Then I continued in the same direction to my homeroom to drop off my binder and pencil bag.

On my way back to the front gate, I saw Vikki walking towards her locker. Something wasn't right. Her left eye was all red and covered in a giant deep purple bruise. She then noticed me and tried to cover it up with her bangs. I jogged up to her and brushed her emo bangs out of the way. Her cheeks turned slightly red.

"Oh my gosh Vikki! What happened?" She spaced out a stared at me for a second, her blush slowly receding.

"Um, I fell?" I knew something was wrong with her then. She never lies to me. She would usually just change the subject or say she doesn't want to talk about it. Were her parents beating her? Was it those stupid bully jocks?

"That's bull Vikki and you know it. Tell me what really happened." She stares at me again and blushes. God, she's cute. What will I do with out her?

"I-I don't want to talk about it" she says as she looks away. How is it that one person could be so adorable? Honestly! She actually caught me off guard that time.

"well, if you don't want to talk about it, I won't make you." I said in a sort of trance, but quickly add "but, know that I'll always be here if you need to talk."

She looks back at me, nods, and averts her eyes. We go to her locker, put her stuff away and head to our homeroom. I got pretty lucky this year. She's in all my classes. On the first day I noticed it, then on the second day I pointed it out to her. Neither of us really have any other friends, but that's okay. She's all I need.

The only problem is what she doesn't know. my father read my diary one day and found out about my feelings for her. Now, at the end of this year, he's making our family move. I made him promise not to tell my mom but in exchange, he's putting me in a catholic school. I don't know if Vikki returns those feelings for me but she has to hate me by the end of this year. That gives me about two months to make her absolutely loathe me. The reason she needs to hate me is because she's too dependent on me. I don't want her to miss me when I'm gone. I don't want her to hurt. So that's my plan, make her hate me so she's glad that I'm gone. It's not going well.

AN: HA! I am so evil. As ravyn said, I am the queen of cliffhangers. Now u have to wait for a couple more updates to find out what really happened to Victoria. Don't you so hate me? Its okay, I hate me too. But anyway…theres your first glance into Rachel's mind. Pretty sad plan isn't it? I was going to try it but well…..i couldn't stand the thought of coughsomeonecough hating me for the rest of her life.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything and if I did then this would be a real book…

So, Vikki and I went through all of our classes. She seemed kinda bummed because I wasn't paying much attention to her but she had a lot of work to keep her busy. I spent the entire day trying to come up with ways to get her to hate me. None of them seemed possible. They would either be too hard for me to do or just plain ridiculous. I couldn't stay with her at lunch because I still hadn't come up with anything so I told her I needed to go to study hall to work on homework I didn't finish. I invited her without thinking but luckily she declined since study hall was with Mr. Quinsty this week.

After our last class of the day, we went our separate ways to go to our lockers. I got my bag and went over to Vikki's locker. She was spaced out and just staring into nothing. I snuck up behind her and I couldn't resist. I wrapped my arms around her waist.

"guess who!" I said with a smile.

"gee, I dunno, Mr. Quinsty?" she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

She turned around in my arms and looked at me. I had to resist the urge to kiss her right there, in front of everyone. She had to most adorable look on her face. How could one person be so cute? My emotions must have shown on my face because she looked slightly confused and was about to question me but suddenly I got an absolutely hilarious idea. A mischievous smirk made its way into my features and I slowly moved my face closer to hers.

"you know," I barely said above a whisper. She was blushing furiously by now.

"y-yeah?" she stuttered. I moved closer to her.

"you've got something in your eye." I said quickly and reached up to take a piece of fuzz from her eyelashes.

I am absolutely brilliant. She was laughing so hard at my reference to one of her favorite music videos. Both of us were doubled over, making a scene in the middle of the hall. We looked up at each other with tears in our eyes and clutching at our sides. But nothing this good ever lasts long. Mr. Quinsty showed up behind her, cleared his throat, and tapped her shoulder. Both of us immediately stopped laughing. She slowly turned around to meet his gaze.

"Can I help you?" she asked the teacher with so much malice in her voice it scared even me.

"Yes, yes you can. But not now. Does tomorrow after school sound good? I think about an hour should cover it." The middle aged man said to her without even batting an eye at her visible hatred for him.

Vikki was shaking now. Her hands were fists and she looked like she was about to kill him. I had to intervene. I jumped to her side in pressed my hand over her mouth.

"I'm sorry Mr. Quinsty, we'll just be on our way." I said to him. Vikki seemed to relax at my touch. She was no longer shaking. Now was my chance. I could carry out my plan now. I'll just have to improvise.

I grabbed her hand and nearly dragged her off campus. I couldn't let her see my face. I knew that the pain it caused me to do this to her would be visible on my features. We walked without saying a word to each other. Once we got across the street and around the corner where no one could see us, I readied myself for what I was about to do. I jerk her in front of me and pushed her against the vine covered wall. A look of surprised crossed her face and God, I hope I didn't hurt her.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" I yelled at her, surprised at how real it sounded.

"I-I-" she stuttered in shock.

"Don't even!" I interrupted her. "I don't want to hear it Victoria." I used her name this time and not her nickname. I turned and walked away towards my house. My control began to slip but I composed myself when I heard Vikki coming after me. Damn that girl, she's gonna make this hard on me. I didn't want to completely crush her but it had looked like I had no choice.

"Rachel wait! Rach! Rach-" I turned around and gave her my best glare. It had frozen her mid-word. It hurt me to do this to her but it was for her own good.

"Just don't Victoria. I try to help you, I really do but you won't let me get close enough. So just stop." My voice cut through the air between us, cold enough to turn water to ice. I felt my façade slipping so I walked away. I didn't hear her following and I breathed a sigh of relief. I could hear her slowly turn around and make her own way back home.

As soon as I turned a corner where I knew she wouldn't be able to see me, the pain of what I had just done had ripped through me. I backed against the wall and collapsed to the ground. It started raining again and I went home before anyone could see me.

I walked through the door and hoped no one was home. I couldn't stand being inside. I went out to the backyard and thought about what had just happened. It broke my heart to do that to her. The look on her face was so pained. I sat down on the edge of the porch and just let go. A scream escaped my throat and I broke down right there. Tears ran from my eyes like a faucet as I replayed the scene in my head. Over and over I saw the look on her face. Over and over I wished things didn't have to be this way. What had I done? I stayed out there on the porch in the rain wallowing in self pity. I realized that I couldn't keep living if she thought I hated her. I had to do something. But I couldn't. This was what I wanted wasn't it? It hard now but in the long run it would be easier.

AN: poor Rachel…poor vikki….gosh why do I write such morbid stuff? Man wristing this stuff makes me wanna cry. I know writing the next one will make me. 2 more chaps then Aubrey makes him appearance.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: all i own is my sad lil charectors here...

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I continued to cry on the porch until I could summon enough control to walk inside. I don't know how long I was there but it had been too long. I got up from my sitting position and slowly made into my home. I shook slightly and opened the door to my house. I new wave of despair crashed through me when I heard my parents yelling upstairs. My own sobs must have drowned out the sound while I was outside. 

"Nothing is wrong with her! You can not and will not do this to her!" my mothered screamed at my father.

"It's not natural! Girls are for boys and boys are for girls! We can't just sit around and let her continue these disgusting fantasies!" They were talking about me. My mom found out. And she wasn't mad at me, she was mad at him. She was going to stop him! I could apologize to Vikki and everything would be okay! I wiped the tears from my eyes and lifted my head high, refueled by new hope.

"That's it! I'm going to go find her right now and you're leaving!" My mom started running downstairs and I went to meet her.

"Fine! Good! I don't want to live with a fucking dyke anyway!" my father screamed after her. My mother turned around to yell back but she stopped. I assume she had heard me coming.

"Mom?" I called out to her softly. She turned around and came towards me with open arms. We met at the bottom of the stairs and she gave me the most comforting hug I had had in the longest time. It felt as if nothing bad had ever happened and nothing bad ever would happen. She apologized profusely for my father and said he was out of line and that nothing was wrong with how I felt. We heard thundering footsteps above us and we broke apart. My father was standing above us at the top of the stairs. He was visibly shaking and the vein in his forehead was pulsing. Just the sight of him turned my blood cold. It was something out of a nightmare.

He stomped down the stairs and with giant, loping steps, left the house, slamming the door hard enough to knock down several pictures. I look back at my mom and she wipes the fresh tears from my cheeks.

"Oh, baby." She says softly as she pulls me in for another hug. She leads me to the living room and we sit on the couch and I tell her everything. She never showed one sign of anger or disgust. She nodded and listened to every word I said, comforting me when tears broke through again. When I was finished and there was nothing left to say about my feelings, or my father, or Vikki, she held me. I felt like I was a little kid again. I got hurt, but it's okay because my mommy is here to make it all better.

We sat on that couch for hours, simply enjoying the comfort we gave each other. Or it could have been minutes but soon I knew I had to call Vikki. I stood up and looked down at my mom.

"Call her." She told me and smiled calmly. I returned the smile and looked for the phone. I picked it up off it its receiver and a memory caught me by surprise. My dream last night. My heart quickened as I dialed her cell phone number. It rings several times and my imagination creates a million dreadful reasons as to why she hasn't answered.

"Hello?" The relief I felt from the fact that she was okay was quickly over shadowed by a new set of emotions her tone gave me. It was hoarse, like she had been crying for hours. She sounded so pained it hurt me.

"Vikki!"

"Rach?" She sounded so unsure. Like I was the last person she would have expected to call her. I suppose I'm a better actor than I thought. But the amusing thought was replaced by a tremendous guilt that washed over me.

"Vikki oh my gosh I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it! Please forgive me I swear I didn't mean anything I said! I'm so sorry! I'm s-sorry." My voice broke and I was surprised as new tears made tracks down my cheeks. I had thought there was none left.

"Just stop Rachel. Its okay, I get it. You hate me. It's fine. I always knew you would hate me in the end so just forget about me." She was so calm. Like she had given up. I was way too hard on her. The Plan worked to well. How could she possibly believe I hated her? I would just have to tell her how I really feel. But something wasn't right. What did she mean 'in the end?' she couldn't possibly be thinking what I thought she might have been.

"In the end? Vikki what are you talking about?"

"I'm done Rach. I'm giving up." Giving up? Giving what up? I thought for a moment. Oh. My. God. She was going to kill herself. I began to hyperventilate.

"No…Vikki you can't! Please, p-please don't!" I was desperate. My nerves were shot from such a hard day. I looked back to the couch for my mom and she wasn't there. She must have gone upstairs.

"Why Rachel? Why can't I? What difference does it make? What does anyone care?!"

"I care Vikki! Please don't, for me!" I was begging. Sobs had begun to break free from my throat at the possibility of losing her.

"Give me one good reason. One good reason why I shouldn't just do it right now. Why I shouldn't just slit my wrists or stab myself. Why not Rachel?" I wanted to scream at her 'because I love you, you idiot!' but revealing my feelings over the phone didn't seem right. And she may not believe me.

"I'll give you one. Just not right now. Come over to my house and I'll show you." I needed her here. Now that my mom knew and my dad was gone for now at least I could be true to her.

"Why can't you just tell me? How do I know that you even have one? Why should I trust you? Not even an hour ago you hated me so why should I believe you?" I couldn't believe her logic. It didn't make any sense and she was completely wrong about the time.

"It's too important. You have to believe me. Even if I did hate you why would I try to stop you right now? Please just come over so I can show you in person." Both of us had started to calm down and felt a bit more normal.

"Okay, just hold on while I get down." I silently thanked God and let out a sigh of relief. Her curious side outweighed her suicidal, illogical one. But where was she that she needed to get down?

"Get down? Vikki, where are you?"

"Uh, I'm on the roof. I wanted some privacy."

"Ohh, Vikki…" I felt guilt to the very of heart of my soul and wished she was here so I could reach out to her.

"I know, I know, just hold on." Both of our voices were back to normal. But I thought of her on the slippery shingles and that rusted old fence below and I got chills.

"Okay, but be careful."

"Dude, chill. I'm not gonna fall."

"Alright, alright. Just hurry okay?" I was getting antsy. Whether it was because of the thought of her falling or knowing that I was going to tell her I loved her, I don't know.

"Yeah."

Then, my worst nightmare had come true. Vikki shrieked and I heard scraping that sounded like she was clawing for a handhold. The phone dropped to the ground and her screams became more distant. She screamed my name and I screamed for her as well. My heart seemed to be trying to jump out of my chest and panic over took me. I heard a terrible crack and thought once again of the fence bordering her apartment. Sheer terror overtook me as I realized what had happened. She had been impaled. My best friend and the love of my life had been impaled on a fucking fence. I screamed the words I wanted so badly for her to hear just three words. I love you. Then everything went quiet for a moment. I could hear the wind rustle leaves and I dropped the phone.

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A/N: man, this one really made me cry...why must my masochistic mind come up with such sad things? 


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